JST Impossible Fader

THIS PLUGIN IS AN APRIL FOOLS JOKE (but it’s also a real plugin which makes the joke even better).

Introducing JST Impossible Fader by Joey Sturgis Tones - Bringing the REAL Analog behavior (like a lack of reliability) to the Digital Realm!

Introducing the world’s first ever volume control for experts. No beginners allowed!
Mixing has become too easy these days! Moving a fader up and down literally takes ZERO effort, making it possible for mixers with no experience to beat out all the experts. Mixers of the past have had to battle consoles that change sound throughout the day, temperamental analog gear, tape hiss and endless hours of recalling sessions because the client wants the cowbell turned up by 0.5 db.

Well, that all changes today with the JST Impossible Fader. This fader is almost IMPOSSIBLE to get the hang of, even our developers have a tough time getting it under control. If you’ve ever wondered if you’re the next Andy Wallace, Chris Lord-Alge or Colin Richardson, then now is your chance to see if you have what it takes

The Ultimate Mixer's Challenge

Tired of being accused of loading presets and applying no real skill to your mixes? Download JST Impossible Fader today and start working that wrist muscle - you’re gonna need it.

As you move the fader, most of your input is practically ignored. The technology works by randomly accepting your desired fader motions whenever it wants to, but like most AI - it really can’t make up its mind! That’s why you’ll have to be on your toes when using the plugin. By the way, it doesn’t always remember its position when you close the plugin.

DAMNIT! Say goodbye to accurate recalls. You thought you could crush that mix note like a boss with the reliability of recall in plugins? Not with this bad boy. It randomly resets every few minutes. Yep, now your mixes are gonna take FOREVER!

You see, it's all in the "0.9% Accuracy" DSP technology we’ve developed to make the process of using a fader feel like the most painful user experience ever. If you can mix a song with this fader, you’re a freaking audio athlete!

How To Use It

Load up the plugin on every single channel, make sure it’s last in your insert chain.
Begin playback and start adjusting the faders. Don’t use your DAW’s faders, that’s WAY too easy and is only for beginners. As you adjust, you’ll start to notice a lot of your input is being ignored. That’s intended.

Work fast and don’t stop, the longer you take, the more the faders will reset back to a random value making your mix all unbalanced. Keep trying!

Cry? Curl up into a ball on the floor?? Give Up?! NO! Learn to adapt like legendary mixers had to!

Export before you lose all your work, there is no recall.

It’s that simple!

What You'll Get

• Audio Plugin that doesn't make you a better mixer!
• Perpetual User License
• Free Updates For Life!
• Installers for Windows and Mac
• No iLok Required
• NOTE: Known to occasionally defy the laws of physics. Floating objects in your studio are a feature, not a bug.
  

System Requirements

• You MUST be an expert to use this plugin
• Mac or Windows computer with supported OS and supported DAW
• High level of hand dexterity required
• Requires your DAW to believe in itself
• Highly sensitive to criticism. Compliment the plugin regularly to maintain optimal performance

Supported Operating Systems

• Windows 7 or above (64 bit): VST3, AAX
• macOS 10.14 or above (Intel or M-Series, 64 bit): VST3, AU, AAX
• Linux: Just kidding. Or are we? Stay tuned for updates (or don't)
• Compatible with the JST Mind Map Chip (not included)
• Not compatible with quantum computers... yet!

Known Issues

• May inadvertently summon a band of musical elves. We're not responsible for any ensuing folk albums
• Occasionally, mind map chip connection can be lost when thinking about plugins other than JST
• Users have reported a mysterious increase in cowbell levels. Investigation ongoing
• Plugin has shown a slight preference for jazz on Wednesdays